Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
