I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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