I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
