Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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