...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
