phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
