you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
