i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
