God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
