I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
