She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize