I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
