tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
