Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
