I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Are we still banned from the library?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
