pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
