Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
