Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
