Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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