if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
