I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
