i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
