I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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