The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
