He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
