saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
