There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
