bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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