ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
