just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
