Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
