so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
