a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
