when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
