Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
