I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
