you would pick up someone in the library
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
