He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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