Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
