I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
