My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
then he tried to convert me to islam
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
