Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
