I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
