Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
