I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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