Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
