Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
