Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
