I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
