Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Shitshow foam night was such a success
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
