i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
