You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
