walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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