I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you win again, gameday.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
