We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
