sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
