Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
