My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
